Unlikely Hero

Sorry, what did you just say?
Isn’t that a tad risqué?
It isn’t ev’ryday you
find a hero mute and drooling.

So I’m redder than your suit!
‘Cause I think you’re kinda cute…
which makes rejecting you so much morbidly grueling!

‘Cause I am not a superhero.
I don’t bend metal or fly.
No, I’m an unlikely hero.
I’m just a regular guy.

Defying laws of physics is your daily job.
I’m broke and skinny, brittle and a slob.
I am way out of your Justice League.

Get that golden grin away.
Shouldn’t you go save the day?
I’m not a classmate or
reporter falling sev’ral stories.

Spend your time on bolder things:
fighting crime and busting rings.
I’m not a sidekick seeking fame, fortune, and glories.

I’m simply not a superhero.
I don’t wear skivvies or capes.
Oh, I’m an unlikely hero,
no friend to daring escapes.

If you can leap that building in a single bound,
take off faster than the speed of sound,
tell me what on earth you’d want from me.

Wait! Was that a tear?
A crack in the veneer…
Sorry!
Come back, please.
I meant to say…
Wow.
You really were sincere?

Huh,
I guess even heroes need a rescue.
Funny how I had to reassess you.
I assumed you wanted someone just as grand,
even caped crusaders need to hold a hand.
Say my name, I’ll be there.
You and me, now a pair

‘cause I can be your unlikely hero
when fighting crime wears you thin.
I’ll be your shoulder to cry on
whether you lose or you win.

I’ll draw you baths of Epsom
when your muscles ache,
call your sidekick
when you need a break.

I never thought that, somehow,
I’d concede
I’m not a likely hero,
but I’m the hero you need.